Wednesday, May 22, 2013

THURSDAY THUMP: prayer tapping on family


2 Timothy 1

1 Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, in keeping with the promise of life that is in Christ Jesus,
2 To Timothy, my dear son:
Grace, mercy and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord.
3 I thank God, whom I serve, as my ancestors did, with a clear conscience, as night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers. 4 Recalling your tears, I long to see you, so that I may be filled with joy. 5 I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also.

6 For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands.
Timothy was fortunate. He had a good mother.  A good grandmother. Supportive extended family, including the author of this letter. The author (probably not Paul, but someone who was familiar with the firebrand and his concern for Tim) wrote these encouraging words of faith from prison.Tim was, like the church of his day, going through some hard times, and the scribe wanted Timothy to know that he was not alone. That things would get better. That the love that Tim’s family had told him about, was real!
Not everyone has that kind of system to sustain them. In fact, family can be a source of a lot of pain and distress. Old wounds, still infected by years of reopening and pouring salt on them, can drive us to derision.
--You’ll never amount to anything.
--You’re such a disappointment.
--I knew you couldn’t do it right.
Words like this spoken to a child can set the stage for a lifetime of self defeat, low expectations, and unhealthy relationships.
What if God could heal some of those hurts? What if the Holy could take the sting out, so that instead of reflexively recoiling at the sound of a siblings voice, we could listen to hear if anything had changed? We could watch to see if there was an opportunity for reconciliation? We could calmly respond by not engaging in ways we that we always engaged before?
Tapping prayer offers us a healing alternative to the knee jerk response most of us are conditioned to experience. God’s spirit can give us options that we could never even imagine before.
Before you begin today’s tapping prayer, think back to an incident that happened long ago...something somebody said or did that is still buried deep under your skin. Try and remember an event that still gets your blood boiling when you think of your parent or sibling or cousin or....saying it to you. On a scale of 0-10, how upsetting is that incident when you think of it? Write that number down. It is your Subjective Unit of Distress (SUD) for this family event and you will use it later to see how God’s spirit has moved in you during the time of prayer.

Family can affect us in ways that outsiders cannot. Family usually know our buttons. If while you are praying you feel like the issue has suddenly shifted to something more frightening or disturbing, either stop and consult a professional counselor on this issue, or move your prayerful attention toward the new issue and focus God on this new concern.

When you are ready to begin praying, please take responsibility for your participation in tapping prayer, and let’s pray!

Karate Chop: I know that Sister Sledge sings that We are Family, God, but sometimes I wish the folks I’m related to would go away! They have hurt me with words or deeds, and I am still recovering every time I am in their presence. The event I am remembering in particular is very painful. Just thinking about it registers a SUD of ….... I need your help. I need your healing spirit. Because I know that even though I have this painful event in my past, I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God. Even though...........hurt me, I am completley loved and deeply held in God’s constant care. Even though I remember............I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.
Top of head: I have this pain.
Eyebrow: It’s so embarrassing to remember.
Outer eye: I don’t know why.......did that to me.
Under eye: It really hurt me.
Under nose: i can still feel the pain from when.....did......to me.
Under iip: I am hurting.
Collarbone: This pain is getting in the way of my joy.
Wrists: This hurt is keeping me from peace.

Top of head: Even though I have this.......I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.
Eyebrow: I wonder why........did that to me?
Outer eye: I can consider forgiving.......for hurting me. (Maybe)......didn't understand how they made me feel.
Under eye: I can consider forgiving myself for feeling hurt by what.......did.
Under nose: I was only a child when.....hurt me. I had no power in that relationship.
Under lip: Even though it happened awhile ago, I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.
Collarbone: God can heal my younger self. God can tend to my old wounds. God saw what happened.
Wrists: I am hurting because of what happened.

Top of head: Even though I am hurting because of what happened, i am deeply loved and completely cared for by God.
Eyebrow: I wonder how my relationship with.....might change if I am healed from this pain?
Outer eye: I wonder what boundaries I would need to feel safe in …............’s presence?
Under eye: Even though I don’t feel safe with.....I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God
Under nose: ….....is deeply loved and completely accepted by God, even if God doesn’t condone what.......did to hurt me.
Under lip: Maybe.....needs healing, too.
Collarbone: I feel ashamed of this hurt I am feeling. I feel like maybe it was my fault that.......hurt me. Even though I was hurt as a child, I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.
Wrists: I am hurting because of what......did to me when I was a child.

Top of head: Even though......hurt me, I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.
And take a deep breath....Thank you God for being with me in my pain. You were there when it first came upon me as a child, and you are here with me now as I seek your assistance in healing from that hurt. Amen.

Check your SUD on the incident you were praying for help with. If the number has gone down, are there any issues that remain which keep you from reaching zero? If so, try bringing those remaining issues to God using the same format for the prayer. If your SUD went higher, note the issues that spiked the SUD and attend to those with prayer. God will be with you in your healing and help you to bring those SUD’s down to a manageable level.
Family often know us at our most vulnerable places. Their words and deeds can lift us to great heights or dash us into rocky pits. Call on the Holy to lift you up when family has let you down. Who knows the kinds of choices you’ll discover when the hurts of the past have experienced God’s love?
Peace,
Todd

Monday, May 13, 2013

TUESDAY TAP: prayer tapping on remorse


Have mercy on me, O God,
   according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
   blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
   and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,
   and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
   and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
   and justified when you judge
King David had raped Bathsheba and was planning to kill her husband. He had a lot to be sorry about. Personally, I think he was a bit delusional in thinking that the only sin he committed was against God. David used his power and authority to have sex with Bathsheba; manipulated a scene of war in order to destroy the love of her life; and claimed Bathsheba as a prize. It seems to me that David had a LOT to be sorry for.
Feeling remorseful toward God was a start, perhaps with some healing he would be able to see other aspects of the terrible things he did to Bathseba and her family.
Hopefully you haven’t gotten yourself in as deep a mess, but even if you have, it’s important to remember that God is still with you.  The combination of sorrow and guilt can really gnaw on a person.
But back to David and God. Note how despite the egregious nature of David’s sin (yeah, that’s the word for it) he believed that there was hope for him. He believed that somehow God could right his wrongs. He believed that the Holy would take action so that David could do better in the future and teach others the folly of his ways. David had faith that the love of God was/is bigger and stronger than the things that David did wrong. God could heal David, and in doing so, free him to bring that healing to others...perhaps even to Bathsheba.

I can remember feeling such remorse after missing an important conversation with my kids. I had chosen to do some work on my computer, or go to a meeting, both of which could have waited for a bit. I can remember the dejected look in their eyes. I can remember the love that forgave me, even if it didn’t understand why I didn’t have time when they really needed me. How come I had time for other people? Was the meeting about wallpapering a room in the church building more important than a conversation about how my child had been bullied at school?
My heart still hurts when I think of the many times I’ve made a bad choice. Perhaps you have similar hurts that go with different circumstances. Remorse is a heavy thing to live with, and, it can get in the way of a healthy relationship.

Let’s take a chance that despite the awful things he did to Bathsheba and her husband, David was right about God’s healing love.

Try to identify a particular event  that you are feeling remorseful about. See it. Smell it. Hear it. Taste it. Just for a moment. Just for long enough to get a Subjective Unit of Distress on the event (if you are new to tapping prayer, check out my basic recipe here to learn more about SUDs).  Write down your SUD and when you are ready, please take responsibility for your participation in tapping prayer, and let’s pray!


Karate chop: Well, I messed up, God. I did something really terrible and now I am filled with remorse. I wish I could go back and do things differently. I wish I hadn’t caused the pain I caused with the actions I took. I feel awful. I feel overwhelmed by the awful and I can’t think of how I can move forward with my life. I need your help. I need your attention on this remorse I am feeling. Even though I am feeling remorse, I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God. Even though I caused someone else a lot of pain and discomfort, and I feel badly about that, I am gently held in the loving arms of God. Even though I feel terrible about what I did, I am completely loved and deeply accepted by God.
Top of head: I am feeling remorseful.
Eyebrow: I feel so sad about what I did to...............
Outer eye: I am guilty of hurting..................
Under eye: I feel terrible about what I did.
Under nose: I really betrayed a trust.
Under lip: My relationship with.......is hurting because of what I did.
Collarbone: I broke..................................
Underarms: I feel awful about hurting.............
Wrists: This heavy feeling of remorse.

Top of head: Even though I am carrying this heavy feeling of remorse, I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.
Eyebrow: Maybe I hurt..........because I was hurting.
Outer eye: Now we’re both hurting and I’m feeling guilty.
Under eye: I guess that didn’t work out the way I hoped it would
Under nose: Now I feel stupid, too.
Under lip: Maybe I thought...........deserved to be hurt.
Collarbone: Maybe..........did deserve to be hurt.
Underarms: I feel deep remorse for what I did to.............Maybe  I was wrong. I feel like I was wrong. If I was right I probably wouldn’t feel such remorse.
Wrists: Even if.............deserved it, I am feeling sad and sorry for what I did.

Top of head: Even if I am feeling sad and sorry for what I did, I am deeply loved and completely held in God’s constant care.
Eyebrow: I wonder how I would feel if...........had done what I did?
Outer eye: I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.
Under eye: …........is deeply loved and completely accepted by God.
Under nose: I feel good about hurting................
Under lip: I feel terrible about hurting..........
Collarbone: I can see the hurt in......eyes. I can hear the pain in.......’s voice. I can feel my breathing change as I think about what I did to.................
Underarms: God knows where my remorse is blocking me from peace.
Wrists: I have this deep remorse for what I did.

Top of head: Even though I have this deep remorse for what I did, I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.

And take a deep breath...and thank you God for attending to the remorse that is keeping me from peace. Thank you for sending your spirit to heal the events in my life that keep me from moving forward in healthy ways. Amen.

Try thinking about the event that you felt remorseful about. What is its SUD now?  What new issues or aspects of the event are keeping you from feeling a SUD of 0-2? I believe that David was right about God’s desire to heal us when we mess up...no matter how big the mess! Keep bringing your issues to God until you feel that 0-2 peace. Once you are there, then try thinking about how you can begin to make amends and heal the relationship that has been hard to resolve. God will go with you in that healing, too. Count on it. Better yet, tap on it.
Peace,
todd

Thursday, May 9, 2013

THURSDAY THUMP: prayer tapping on grief


32 When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”
33 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 34 “Where have you laid him?” he asked.
“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.
35 Jesus wept.
36 Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”
37 But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?” --John 11


Beliefs around death in the first century were as diverse as they are today. Some people believed that when a person died, he or she simply ceased to exist. End of story. Some people believed in a resurrection of the body...or the soul...a continuation of the story in some mysterious form. Some people believed that the dead were reborn into new bodies here on earth. Each belief system created unique philosophical responses to death, but the common thread that still strings these and other beliefs together is, grief.

Grief is our response to the death of someone. The response might be spiritual, or emotional, or physical. It might involve crying, or shutting down, or wailing, or withdrawing. It is often accompanied by sadness, anger, denial, emptiness, wistfulness, relief, guilt...or some combination of the aforementioned. Grief can be pretty clear cut or pretty complicated depending on the circumstances surrounding the death or our relationship with the one who has died.
To that end, prayer tapping on grief is a pretty personal thing. It invites the Holy to attend to some very intimate and labyrinthine issues.
  • Perhaps we feel guilty about feeling relieved by someone’s death.
    • Maybe we feel the person deserved to die and we are angry.
    • Maybe the persons death caught us by surprise.
    • Maybe there was violence around the persons death
    • Maybe the person died as a result of an accident or war.
  • The person might have committed suicide and we are left with a lot of questions and a lot of feelings that are all overwhelming our system at the same time.
  • We might cry out like the sisters of Lazarus, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”
The good news is, God is here with us in our grief. Jesus weeps for the pain and confusion we are experiencing, and more, He is willing and able to attend to our hurting places by way of the Holy Spirit.
If you are grieving today, take a moment to write down the unique feelings you are experiencing around your loss.
Look at the list, and try assigning a SUD from 0-10 to each feeling, depending on how strongly you are enduring that feeling. If you are new to tapping prayer, check out my basic recipe here before proceeding.
Choose one feeling that is bothering you. You may want to choose something with a low number to begin with or, you may want to dive into the deep end of the pool and get right to the tough stuff. God will be there to attend to your concerns in any order you choose to focus the Holy’s healing love. Do what feels safest to you.
Once you have chosen a feeling around your grief, please take responsibility for your participation in tapping prayer, and let’s pray!

Karate chop: My heart is heavy with grief, God. My soul is overwhelmed with feelings that are associated with...............’s death. I am overwhelmed with feelings about..................’s death. I’m going to try and focus on one feeling now, and when I am at peace with it, I may come to you again with another feeling about …............’s death. I may not. I’ve got a lot happening in me right now. I don’t know which way to turn, but I find myself turning to this tapping prayer today, and so I ask that you would bring me some healing through it. Even though I am feeling..............around my loss, I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God. Even though I feel............around..............death, I am completely loved and deeply accepted by God. Even though I have this...........response to ….............death, I am held in God’s constant love and acceptance.
Top of head: I have this...........feeling.
Eyebrow: I am so.............about............death.
Outer eye: I feel............
Under eye: I have this overwhelming sense of..............
Under nose: I can’t shake this feeling of..................
Under lip: This deep …..........
Collarbone: I feel..............
Underarms: I am...............
Wrists: This …......feeling is keeping me from peace.

Top of head: Even though I feel.........I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.
Eyebrow: I wonder if I’ll always feel this..... grief?
Outer eye: I think I can feel this........in my body.
Under eye: This overwhelming...........is getting in the way of feeling peace.
Under nose: I might have unfinished business with........that is contributing to this feeling of .............
Under lip: Even if I have unfinished business with..... that is contributing to this feeling of ...........I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.
Collarbone: I am experiencing a SUD of …..around this aspect of my grief.
Wrists: I have so much grief effecting my life.

Top of head: Even though I have all this...........grief, I am deeply loved and held in God’s tender care.
Eyebrow: ..(name of person who died)..is deeply loved and held in God’s tender care.
Outer eye: Maybe I can forgive myself for feeling.......about..........’s death.
Under eye: Maybe I can forgive anyone who may have contributed to...........’s death.
Under nose: Even if I can forgive myself and everyone else who may have contributed to.......death, and even if I can forgive.........for dying, I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.
Under lip: Maybe I don’t have to hold onto this...........grief forever.
Collarbone: I have this...............grief in my soul.
Wrists: I am feeling..........about …......death.

Top of head: Even though I am feeling.......about........death, I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.

and take a deep breath...Thank you God for being with me in my feelings around..........’s death. Thank you for sending your healing spirit to attend to my needs. Amen.

When you are ready, test your intensity around the feeling you were asking help for. What is the SUD associated with it now? Higher? Lower? Same? Where has God brought you new insights into your feelings about.....’s death? If your SUD is lower, you are beginning to heal with God’s help. Keep prayer tapping on the issue until it gets to a 0-2, and then move on to another feeling on your list. If your SUD went up, check to see if the issue you began with might be gone, and you have moved to a more intense feeling. If so, apply the prayer to that issue until your SUD goes down to a 0-2. If your SUD stayed the same, drink a glass of water and then try the prayer again. Sometimes if we are dehydrated, our awareness of God’s spirit is diminished.

If it would be helpful to use this prayer one on one, please contact me at tapping.into.prayer.now@gmail.com and we can set up a time to work on your grief, together.

Peace,
Todd

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

THURSDAY THUMP: prayer tapping on anger


23 “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. 24 You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.
25 “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. 26 Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.
27 “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs,which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. 28 In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness. --Matthew 23

Jesus was ripping mad. His frustration with the Pharisees had reached a tipping point and he was tired of playing Mr. Nice Guy. Mr. All in Control. Mr. I’ll never take out a whip and upset a marketplace set up in the Temple. 
Jesus was angry. The chemicals were rushing through his brain, his heart rate increased, his fight or flight impulse was activated in the amygdala portion of his brain. He was ready to fight these self righteous Pharisees on behalf of God, on behalf of the people who were suffering under the hypocritical laws and practices of the established religion.
Been there, done that. Felt that surge. My face getting hot red with derision. Mouth dry...or salivating all over the place like a rabid dog. The veins in my neck start to surface. Fists clench. Sometimes I’ve gotten angry over something noble like an injustice that I’ve witnessed or experienced. Sometimes I’ve gone ballistic over being cut off in traffic or being served the wrong order at Taco Bell. I have been known to explode when I witness an injustice in court or on the sidelines of a pee wee soccer game. I get all riled up and then perseverate on the anger I’m feeling. I hold onto it and nurture it and share it with anyone who will listen to me rant. I’VE BEEN WRONGED! SOMEONE I CARE ABOUT WAS GIVEN A RAW DEAL! RAWWWWWWWR! (insert your image of me doing a Hulk impersonation here).
It’s not pretty.
Maybe you’ve been there, too.
The hard thing is when I can’t let go of the anger. When it get’s into my blood and keeps on boiling long after the triggering incident has passed. I’m grateful for tapping prayer, because if I can think to use it, I discover that God can ease my angst and replace it with peace.
If you are still stewing on something that has made you mad, please join me in a round of tapping prayer. If you are new to prayer tapping, you can check out my basic recipe here.
Because anger involves the amygdala, it is likely that whatever has us upset right now, has gotten us upset in the past. Perhaps the same situation. Perhaps a similar event. The amygdala is like an early warning system in our brain and it alerts us to feel certain things based on previous experiences and patterns of experiences.
Try and identify something that has your blood boiling right now. Before bringing that issue to God, try and remember an incident from your childhood that had you feeling a similar way. Once you have that incident in mind, give it a SUD (see basic recipe) on a scale from 0-10 and write that number down on a piece of paper. There is such a wide variety of things that can get our goat, so let’s call the incident that you have identified, THE PURPLE. Naming our anger after an abstract symbol (such as a color or shape) serves 2 purposes. 1. It gives us a little distance from something that may feel overwhelming or frightening to us. 2 It gives us a common language to use when offering up our prayer.
When you are ready to pray, please take responsibility for your participation in tapping prayer, and let’s pray!

Karate chop: Dear God, I am mad! Angry! Ripped!. Something Purple has happened and I’m beside myself with rage. It’s hard to think of anything else. I keep going back to why the Purple happened. Why it made me feel so ticked off. Why I can’t let it go. It’s kind of exhausting, and at least around this Purple, I am ready for you to bring me some peace. Even though I have this Purple anger, I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God. Even though this Purple makes me feel angry, I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God. Even though I have all this Purple pulsing through my veins (and my amygdala!) I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.
Top of head: I have this Purple anger.
Eyebrow: This Purple is so strong.
Outer eye: I feel overwhelmed by this Purple.
Under eye: This Purple feeling is out of control
Under nose: I don’t like feeling out of control
Under lip: This Purple is kind of scary.
Collarbone: I have all this powerful Purple
Underarms: This Purple is painful
Wrists: I don't deserve all this Purple.

Top of head: Even though I have a lot of Purple, I am deeply loved and God completely accepts me.
Eyebrow: I wonder when I learned to be afraid of the Purple?
Outer eye: Maybe the Purple wasn’t safe
Under eye: Perhaps I was told not to express my feelings about the Purple or I would face terrible consequences.
Under lip: I might have been punished for feeling Purple
Collarbone: Even though I was punished for feeling Purple, I am deeply loved and completely cared for by God.
Underarms: All this shame filled Purple...
Wrists: The Purple is everywhere. Maybe I deserved it.

Top of Head: Even though there is Purple everywhere I look, and even if I deserved it, I am completely cared for and accepted by God.
Eyebrow: Maybe Purple is nothing to be ashamed of. Maybe people just feel Purple when something like this happens. Perhaps the Purple is just another feeling that can come and go like waves on a shore
Outer eye: This Purple is crashing down on me
Under eye: I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God as I try and catch my breath
Under nose: This rage filled Purple
Under lip: This Purple that is just another feeling
Collarbone: My Purple is boiling over. I can’t contain it.
Underarms: Maybe God can contain it. God is, after all, pretty big.
Wrists: I can consider forgiving myself or anyone else who contributed to this awful Purple.

Top of Head: Even though I have this angry Purple, I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.

And take a deep breath...Thank you God for being with my Purple in this prayer. Thank you for sending your healing spirit to attend to the Purple that has been keeping me from feeling peace. Amen.

When you are ready, take note of the Purple anger and check the power it is still holding. On a scale of 0-10, how strong is your Purple? If the number is not down to a 0-2, what issues are keeping it at a higher number? Did new issues around the Purple become more prevalent? If so, try writing them down and bringing them to God with more specific language.
The lessons we learned about Purple kinds of events when we were children often inform how we experience Purple as adults. God has been along for the whole of our journey, so trust that the Holy is capable of getting back to the beginning of our anger and healing us up into the present. If the whole Hulk thing is starting to wear thin for you, try prayer tapping on the many shades of Purple that might be turning you green.
Peace,
todd
PS. Check out next week’s TUESDAY TAP: prayer tapping on grief.