THURSDAY THUMP: prayer tapping on family

2 Timothy 1

1 Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, in keeping with the promise of life that is in Christ Jesus,

2 To Timothy, my dear son:

Grace, mercy and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord.

3 I thank God, whom I serve, as my ancestors did, with a clear conscience, as night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers. 4 Recalling your tears, I long to see you, so that I may be filled with joy. 5 I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also.

6 For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands.

Timothy was fortunate. He had a good mother.  A good grandmother. Supportive extended family, including the author of this letter. The author (probably not Paul, but someone who was familiar with the firebrand and his concern for Tim) wrote these encouraging words of faith from prison.Tim was, like the church of his day, going through some hard times, and the scribe wanted Timothy to know that he was not alone. That things would get better. That the love that Tim’s family had told him about, was real!

Not everyone has that kind of system to sustain them. In fact, family can be a source of a lot of pain and distress. Old wounds, still infected by years of reopening and pouring salt on them, can drive us to derision.

--You’ll never amount to anything.

--You’re such a disappointment.

--I knew you couldn’t do it right.

Words like this spoken to a child can set the stage for a lifetime of self defeat, low expectations, and unhealthy relationships.

What if God could heal some of those hurts? What if the Holy could take the sting out, so that instead of reflexively recoiling at the sound of a siblings voice, we could listen to hear if anything had changed? We could watch to see if there was an opportunity for reconciliation? We could calmly respond by not engaging in ways we that we always engaged before?

Tapping prayer offers us a healing alternative to the knee jerk response most of us are conditioned to experience. God’s spirit can give us options that we could never even imagine before.

Before you begin today’s tapping prayer, think back to an incident that happened long ago...something somebody said or did that is still buried deep under your skin. Try and remember an event that still gets your blood boiling when you think of your parent or sibling or cousin or....saying it to you. On a scale of 0-10, how upsetting is that incident when you think of it? Write that number down. It is your Subjective Unit of Distress (SUD) for this family event and you will use it later to see how God’s spirit has moved in you during the time of prayer.

If you are new to tapping prayer, read this basic recipe here and then continue.

Family can affect us in ways that outsiders cannot. Family usually know our buttons. If while you are praying you feel like the issue has suddenly shifted to something more frightening or disturbing, either stop and consult a professional counselor on this issue, or move your prayerful attention toward the new issue and focus God on this new concern.

When you are ready to begin praying, please take responsibility for your participation in tapping prayer, and let’s pray!

Karate Chop: I know that Sister Sledge sings that We are Family, God, but sometimes I wish the folks I’m related to would go away! They have hurt me with words or deeds, and I am still recovering every time I am in their presence. The event I am remembering in particular is very painful. Just thinking about it registers a SUD of ….... I need your help. I need your healing spirit. Because I know that even though I have this painful event in my past, I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God. Even though...........hurt me, I am completley loved and deeply held in God’s constant care. Even though I remember............I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.

Top of head: I have this pain.

Eyebrow: It’s so embarrassing to remember.

Outer eye: I don’t know why.......did that to me.

Under eye: It really hurt me.

Under nose: i can still feel the pain from when.....did......to me.

Under iip: I am hurting.

Collarbone: This pain is getting in the way of my joy.

Wrists: This hurt is keeping me from peace.

Top of head: Even though I have this.......I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.

Eyebrow: I wonder why........did that to me?

Outer eye: I can consider forgiving.......for hurting me. (Maybe)......didn't understand how they made me feel.

Under eye: I can consider forgiving myself for feeling hurt by what.......did.

Under nose: I was only a child when.....hurt me. I had no power in that relationship.

Under lip: Even though it happened awhile ago, I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.

Collarbone: God can heal my younger self. God can tend to my old wounds. God saw what happened.

Wrists: I am hurting because of what happened.

Top of head: Even though I am hurting because of what happened, i am deeply loved and completely cared for by God.

Eyebrow: I wonder how my relationship with.....might change if I am healed from this pain?

Outer eye: I wonder what boundaries I would need to feel safe in …............’s presence?

Under eye: Even though I don’t feel safe with.....I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God

Under nose: ….....is deeply loved and completely accepted by God, even if God doesn’t condone what.......did to hurt me.

Under lip: Maybe.....needs healing, too.

Collarbone: I feel ashamed of this hurt I am feeling. I feel like maybe it was my fault that.......hurt me. Even though I was hurt as a child, I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.

Wrists: I am hurting because of what......did to me when I was a child.

Top of head: Even though......hurt me, I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.

And take a deep breath....Thank you God for being with me in my pain. You were there when it first came upon me as a child, and you are here with me now as I seek your assistance in healing from that hurt. Amen.

Check your SUD on the incident you were praying for help with. If the number has gone down, are there any issues that remain which keep you from reaching zero? If so, try bringing those remaining issues to God using the same format for the prayer. If your SUD went higher, note the issues that spiked the SUD and attend to those with prayer. God will be with you in your healing and help you to bring those SUD’s down to a manageable level.

Family often know us at our most vulnerable places. Their words and deeds can lift us to great heights or dash us into rocky pits. Call on the Holy to lift you up when family has let you down. Who knows the kinds of choices you’ll discover when the hurts of the past have experienced God’s love?

Peace,

Todd

TUESDAY TAP: prayer tapping on remorse

Have mercy on me, O God,

   according to your unfailing love;

according to your great compassion

   blot out my transgressions.

2 Wash away all my iniquity

   and cleanse me from my sin.

3 For I know my transgressions,

   and my sin is always before me.

4 Against you, you only, have I sinned

   and done what is evil in your sight;

so you are right in your verdict

   and justified when you judge

King David had raped Bathsheba and was planning to kill her husband. He had a lot to be sorry about. Personally, I think he was a bit delusional in thinking that the only sin he committed was against God. David used his power and authority to have sex with Bathsheba; manipulated a scene of war in order to destroy the love of her life; and claimed Bathsheba as a prize. It seems to me that David had a LOT to be sorry for.

Feeling remorseful toward God was a start, perhaps with some healing he would be able to see other aspects of the terrible things he did to Bathseba and her family.

Hopefully you haven’t gotten yourself in as deep a mess, but even if you have, it’s important to remember that God is still with you.  The combination of sorrow and guilt can really gnaw on a person.

But back to David and God. Note how despite the egregious nature of David’s sin (yeah, that’s the word for it) he believed that there was hope for him. He believed that somehow God could right his wrongs. He believed that the Holy would take action so that David could do better in the future and teach others the folly of his ways. David had faith that the love of God was/is bigger and stronger than the things that David did wrong. God could heal David, and in doing so, free him to bring that healing to others...perhaps even to Bathsheba.

I can remember feeling such remorse after missing an important conversation with my kids. I had chosen to do some work on my computer, or go to a meeting, both of which could have waited for a bit. I can remember the dejected look in their eyes. I can remember the love that forgave me, even if it didn’t understand why I didn’t have time when they really needed me. How come I had time for other people? Was the meeting about wallpapering a room in the church building more important than a conversation about how my child had been bullied at school?

My heart still hurts when I think of the many times I’ve made a bad choice. Perhaps you have similar hurts that go with different circumstances. Remorse is a heavy thing to live with, and, it can get in the way of a healthy relationship.

Let’s take a chance that despite the awful things he did to Bathsheba and her husband, David was right about God’s healing love.

Try to identify a particular event  that you are feeling remorseful about. See it. Smell it. Hear it. Taste it. Just for a moment. Just for long enough to get a Subjective Unit of Distress on the event (if you are new to tapping prayer, check out my basic recipe here to learn more about SUDs).  Write down your SUD and when you are ready, please take responsibility for your participation in tapping prayer, and let’s pray!

Karate chop: Well, I messed up, God. I did something really terrible and now I am filled with remorse. I wish I could go back and do things differently. I wish I hadn’t caused the pain I caused with the actions I took. I feel awful. I feel overwhelmed by the awful and I can’t think of how I can move forward with my life. I need your help. I need your attention on this remorse I am feeling. Even though I am feeling remorse, I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God. Even though I caused someone else a lot of pain and discomfort, and I feel badly about that, I am gently held in the loving arms of God. Even though I feel terrible about what I did, I am completely loved and deeply accepted by God.

Top of head: I am feeling remorseful.

Eyebrow: I feel so sad about what I did to...............

Outer eye: I am guilty of hurting..................

Under eye: I feel terrible about what I did.

Under nose: I really betrayed a trust.

Under lip: My relationship with.......is hurting because of what I did.

Collarbone: I broke..................................

Underarms: I feel awful about hurting.............

Wrists: This heavy feeling of remorse.

Top of head: Even though I am carrying this heavy feeling of remorse, I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.

Eyebrow: Maybe I hurt..........because I was hurting.

Outer eye: Now we’re both hurting and I’m feeling guilty.

Under eye: I guess that didn’t work out the way I hoped it would

Under nose: Now I feel stupid, too.

Under lip: Maybe I thought...........deserved to be hurt.

Collarbone: Maybe..........did deserve to be hurt.

Underarms: I feel deep remorse for what I did to.............Maybe  I was wrong. I feel like I was wrong. If I was right I probably wouldn’t feel such remorse.

Wrists: Even if.............deserved it, I am feeling sad and sorry for what I did.

Top of head: Even if I am feeling sad and sorry for what I did, I am deeply loved and completely held in God’s constant care.

Eyebrow: I wonder how I would feel if...........had done what I did?

Outer eye: I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.

Under eye: …........is deeply loved and completely accepted by God.

Under nose: I feel good about hurting................

Under lip: I feel terrible about hurting..........

Collarbone: I can see the hurt in......eyes. I can hear the pain in.......’s voice. I can feel my breathing change as I think about what I did to.................

Underarms: God knows where my remorse is blocking me from peace.

Wrists: I have this deep remorse for what I did.

Top of head: Even though I have this deep remorse for what I did, I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.

And take a deep breath...and thank you God for attending to the remorse that is keeping me from peace. Thank you for sending your spirit to heal the events in my life that keep me from moving forward in healthy ways. Amen.

Try thinking about the event that you felt remorseful about. What is its SUD now?  What new issues or aspects of the event are keeping you from feeling a SUD of 0-2? I believe that David was right about God’s desire to heal us when we mess up...no matter how big the mess! Keep bringing your issues to God until you feel that 0-2 peace. Once you are there, then try thinking about how you can begin to make amends and heal the relationship that has been hard to resolve. God will go with you in that healing, too. Count on it. Better yet, tap on it.

Peace,

todd

TUESDAY TAP: prayer tapping on forgiveness

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

--Ephesians 4:31-32

Although the authorship of Ephesians is up for debate, the main theme of this early church letter is: 

Christians! Make it work!

Sometimes it is hard to imagine something working once it has been broken. Whether it is an object, a situation, or a relationship, cracks of hurt, betrayal, and anger can render the once beloved as obsolete. Without value. Dead. When this happens we have a few choices: a. hold a funeral. b. replay the hurt over and over to ourselves and anyone who will listen. c. make it work...or, as the author of Ephesians would suggest, forgive.

This last course of action can be pretty complicated, especially if we’re talking about relationships instead of dinner plates. Our feelings can be hurt. The hurting might be an ongoing process. We might feel justified in our anger. We may be overwhelmed by the thought that this person we had trusted could do something so egregious.

The thought of forgiving another person (or group of people) may cause us anxiety.

“If I forgive them then they will have gotten away with “it”.

“I can’t forgive them or I will appear weak.”

“They need to suffer like they have made me suffer.”

“I can never forget what they did to me.”

The nice thing about tapping prayer is that when we apply it to forgiveness, none of the above is likely to happen.

“But won’t I be vulnerable if I forgive....

the guy who cut me off in traffic? the ex who won’t leave me alone?  the bully who hurt my kid? the Marathon bombers?”

I would argue with the author of Ephesians, that to the contrary, forgiveness can make us strong. It can give us the strength of kindness, and tenderness. It can allow us to draw from that spiritual energy instead of being drawn down by anger and hatred. Talk about toxic waste! Carrying a bag of that stuff can make you vulnerable! The good news is that tapping prayer allows us to forgive without forgetting. Tapping prayer allows you to let go of the bag and grow in the strength of God’s love.

If you are ready to try option C, choose something that you are having trouble forgiving. Say, “I have trouble forgiving.......” and fill in the blank with whatever it is that you are holding on to. On a scale of 0-10, how true is that statement? Write that number down on a piece of paper. The number is called a Subjective Unit of Distress (SUD). You will refer to it after you pray.

If you are new to tapping prayer, check out the basics by reading this article. When you are ready, please take responsibility for your participation in tapping prayer, and let’s pray:

Karate Chop: Dear God, I am wary of this particular tapping prayer. I am afraid that if I let go of the thing I can’t forgive, I will fall apart...or hurt someone...or get hurt. I need you to gently heal this fear and anger I have been holding on to. Help me release this toxin so that I can feel your peace and strength coursing through my soul. Right now I am at a SUD of.....because I have trouble forgiving............  

Even though I have trouble forgiving.......I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God. Even though I can’t let go of my feelings around forgiving.......I am completely loved and deeply accepted by God. Even though I’m having a hard time forgiving.......I am your beloved child who you care for and love every minute of every day.

Top of head: It’s difficult to forgive......

Eyebrow: i have so much hurt.

Outer eye: I have so much anger.

Under eye: I’m feeling bitter.

Under nose: I might feel afraid.

Under lip: I am too afraid to forgive.

Collarbone: It’s too hard to let go of what......did.

Underarm: I can’t forgive......... for...................

Wrists: I have a right to feel these feelings.

Top of head: Even though it’s hard to forgive.......I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.

Eyebrow: I wonder why that happened?

Outer eye: I’m so ticked off that.........did that!

Under eye: My feelings are so strong about this.

Under nose: My feelings might be holding me captive.

Under lip: I wonder what it would take to be free of the anger? free of the hurt? free of the bitterness? free of the fear?

Collarbone: Even though I have these strong feelings around forgiving......I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.

Underarm: It’s so hard to forgive............

Wrists: Forgiving...............seems impossible.

Top of head: Even though it seems impossible to forgive......I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.

Eyebrow: I guess I am stronger than God if I can create something that is impossible to do.

Outer eye: I don’t feel safe with all of this power.

Under eye: I choose to feel safe.

Under nose: Perhaps God can make the impossible possible?

Under lip: …....doesn’t deserve to be forgiven.

Collarbone: I don’t deserve to be forgiven. I can consider forgiving.........

Underarms: Even though I consider forgiving.......I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.

Wrists: I consider that God forgives........for............

Top of head: Even though it is difficult to forgive.......... I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.

Take a deep breath.....and thank you God for sending your Spirit to the places in me that are hurting the most around forgiving........... Hold me as I reflect on your healing...Amen.

Try saying: It is difficult to forgive........” and then check your SUD. Has it gone up? Down? Stayed the same? If it has gone up, what issues are driving that movement? Try applying tapping prayer to those specific issues until they come down to a 0-2. The more specific your prayer, the more likely it is that you will begin to feel peace. If your SUD has gone down, the Holy is moving you in the direction of a tender heart and kindness. Note any shifts in your spirit and record them so that you can track God’s movement in your life.

When we invite God into the process of forgiving, we often discover new possibilities for ourselves and for those who have hurt us. Some of these possibilities may lead to a renewed relationship. Some of the spirit’s promptings may give us the strength to walk away from a situation that is not healthy for us to be a part of. Forgiveness liberates us. Forgiveness can make us strong. Forgiveness can lead to something...beautiful.

Peace,

todd

ps. Check out the THURSDAY THUMP: prayer tapping on pain.

Maundy Thursday tapping on being betrayed

19 And Jesus took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.”

20 In the same way, after the supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you.[a] 21 But the hand of him who is going to betray me is with mine on the table. 22 The Son of Man will go as it has been decreed. But woe to that man who betrays him!” 23 They began to question among themselves which of them it might be who would do this.

--Luke 22: 19-23 (Message)

Sometimes you know it’s coming. Sometimes you don’t. Either way, when we are betrayed by someone we care about, it hurts. Deeply. It feels like a tearing or breaking of our soul. Jesus must have been experiencing something of that hurt. The disappointment. The anger. The frustration. The wondering if he was to blame...or, if not, why his friend would do this terrible thing to him?

As readers of the story, we get a little glimpse into Judas’ motivation, but in our lives, that doesn’t always happen. We are left holding the bag of questions and hurt. It’s a lousy bag to hold.

God wants to help us let go of that bag. The Holy is pulling for us to find peace, even around the acts of betrayal that we have endured.

Are you holding a bag of betrayal? What is the SUD attached to that particular bag? If you aren’t sure what a SUD is, check out my basic recipe here. When you’re ready, please take responsibility for your participation in this prayer, and let’s pray...

God, it must have been so hard to know that your friend was going to betray you. Even after you announced that he was going to do it! I get it. I’m in that place, too. I have been betrayed and I need some peace around that loss in my life.

Karate Chop: Even though I have been betrayed, I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God. Even though someone I trusted has hurt me, my God has got my back. Even though I am holding this bag of betrayal, I am completely loved and deeply accepted by God.

Top of Head: This bag of betrayal.

Eyebrow: It’s so heavy.

Outer eye: It hurts so much.

Under eye: I trusted that person and I was betrayed.

Under nose: It’s hard to trust now, because if a close friend could do that to me, why not someone who doesn’t care about me?

Under lip: I’m holding this betrayal.

Collarbone: I’m holding this anger.

Underarm: I’m holding this sadness.

Wrists: All this betrayal.

Top of head: Even though I’m holding this bag of betrayal, I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.

Eyebrow: I wonder if I could hand this bag off to God?

Outer eye: God could probably handle it better than I could.

Under eye: I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.

Under nose: Maybe s/he had a reason for betraying me.

Under lip: That doesn’t mean it was right to do.

Collarbone: I can consider forgiving my friend for betraying me.

Underarm: I can consider forgiving myself for being betrayed.

Wrists: Even if I let go of all this betrayal, I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God.

Top of Head: Even though I have this bag of betrayal, I am extraordinarily loved and accepted by God. I am given God’s spirit of healing. I am given God’s spirit of grace. I am given God’s spirit to move on with my life in peace.

Eyebrow: I have this peace. I have God’s peace.

Take a deep breath...and then check your SUD around being betrayed. You may have to do a couple of rounds on the problem of the betrayal. Remember that the more specific you are with the language around a particular act of betrayal you experienced, the more effective God’s spirit will travel your holy pathways and bring you peace. If while you are praying you feel your SUD rise, go back to whatever the particular issue was that caused that spike, and use prayer tapping to direct God’s healing on that concern.

May you find peace even in the midst of those who betray you.

--todd
ps. Next blog will be on Good Friday re: death of a loved one.