Ironically, I have not had as much success with my own issues. Here and there I have been able to bring 8's down to 1's or 2's...but after a bit the numbers start inching upward again. I have tapped and prayed on many issues of abuse that may have been the catalyst of this kink in my spiritual hose, but almost always, the numbers come back up. This has not been true for others I work with, so I got to wondering about why I was having this road block.
When I prayer tap, I use the set up phrase: "Even though.....I am deeply loved and completely accepted by God." I believe that phrase to be true. When I was called into ministry I distinctly heard God's voice say, "Be mine." to me. It was a moment of complete and utter acceptance. And it made me happy. And it made me scared. And I wrote that combo of feelings off as a "holy tremor" or "being overwhelmed in the presence of God." Today I'm not so sure about that.
As I prepared myself for today's meeting, I found myself growing more and more anxious. I attended to the various issues that were presenting themselves, went deeper, envisioned the meeting...I was being thorough. I experienced brief relief from my 7's of anxiety...and then it would start creeping up again, to the point where I felt like I was being choked. "When have I felt that before?" I wondered.
When I was younger, my father was very abusive to me. He beat me and sexually abused me. "Accepted" meant "the calm before the storm" or, "the calm right after the storm." Often times that storm involved me gasping for air. AHA!
My set up phrase was sabotaging me! "...completely accepted..." meant, "no matter what, Dad will get you in the end." "Dad will destroy your joy; your peace; your sense of safety." Fortunately, Dad is not God. Dad is not Holy. God can heal, even screwed up wiring around being accepted.
Even though I feel unsafe with being accepted, I can feel safe being accepted by God because I am deeply loved.
God will not hurt me.
God desires to heal me.
God desires for me to feel peace.
God's acceptance is not Dad's acceptance.
God's acceptance is OK.
Even though I have trouble breathing when I am completely accepted by God, I am deeply loved.
I am breathing easier now. The next few hours will tell me if there is something else to explore.
I am deeply loved...and you are, too. Sometimes it takes a new understanding of that love in order to accept it.